Hello 👋🏽
How are you doing? I hope life has been good to you. Well, I am fine. The festive season is upon us. I am getting myself into this festive season even though it does not feel like it where I am presently. Regardless, I am excited though I am not getting any Christmas clothes😭
My week started somehow for me. On Monday I was sad. My heart was heavy and my chest was tight. I felt burdened. I got so emotional. I felt like crying in the early hours of the day but I had to keep myself together. However, when I had the chance to leave school and I was alone, I cried to God. I felt I had been down this road before. This time around I felt hurt and I was disappointed with myself that I got hurt even when there was no way that I could escape the hurt. Why was I hurt? Friendships. Again, I was struggling with friendships. Many times i knew a particular person was not to be in the position I had placed them in my life yet I would ignore and go ahead with the friendship. Every single time i did, I had get hurt over and over again. This time I was tired and I felt keeping friends was much a hassle. So I ranted to God in all vulnerability as to the situation I had found myself and my decision to close up. I settled with myself that I was not going to do close friendships with people. I was going to keep people at bay. I had decided that not many people valued the relationships they had with others. To think that people would choose to keep malice and cut people off rather than engaging in a communication with the other party made matters worse.
To address my hurt for me to feel better again, i had to accept that I must have played a part in any relationship that ended bitterly. Thus, I chose to apologise to the other party and also forgive myself for any wrong I committed. However, one thing that stood out to me is that if people want to leave your life for any reason regardless of whatever you had/shared. Especially, when you have made the effort to reach out to them. Then, you should let them go. Friendship is not a do or die affair and never should be.
Similarly, you need to deliberately cultivate evaluative friendships. Your friend should align with your way of life, choices and even character. If you have a friend that does not share your beliefs or lifestyle, there is going to be problem(s). Additionally, you must pay attention to patterns. Patterns do not lie. They are repetitive and help to inform you as to the red flags you may not have noticed. A toxic person will never say ‘I am toxic’ but you can tell from their actions, reactions and behaviours. A jealous person does not need to tell you ‘I am jealous’ but you will know when such a friend is not happy about your win or how they react with your win or what makes you think twice before sharing it with him/her.
……..
If bygones can be bygones
The normal trend when you leave a friendship is to decide to move on. Your moving on stage might be a struggle. Should I block this person from my life? Should I completely ignore this person? How do I relate with this person again? What boundaries should I create?
Well, there are no clear-cut answers. If blocking this person helps your healing process, by all means do. But choose not to keep record of wrongs. You can’t block people forever and it will be foolish to think that you will not need them again. But being deliberate to not keep records of the wrongs done to you involves you bringing yourself to that stage that whatever transpired has happened and there is no need to keep reminding yourself of the hurt. A continuous reminder by either speaking about the hurt or thinking on it more than you should hinders forgiveness and it unconsciously makes you not to extend grace to other relationships you have.
As I end today’s letter, I would share what my late friend Seyi taught me. I learnt even after his death to endeavour to live at peace with all men. I should strive to intentionally love people. Tomorrow is not promised and I can’t afford that my last memories with you involves strife or quarrels. Life is short (fleeting as it comes). But with intentionality, we can make every moment count.
P.S: I am proud to tell you that I and a friend of mine represented my chamber in a competition and we won!!! I am elated and I thank God because this was my first time participating in it. The gist will be in my next letter👍🏽
I wish you a good week✨
All my love + everything nice.
The Purple Girl.