It has been a minute I wrote to you. I know, I know, this was not part of my 2023 resolutions but I am here, in your mail before your vey eyes. So, can we pickup from where we left off? I have a number of things to share with you. But I must ask,
How are you doing? How are you managing yourself with all the rogbodiyan in our dear country, Nigeria? I hope that life has been treating you well? It will be good to hear everything from you.
On my end, I am content. (I don’t know if that is a valid reply😂). I am living and I am equally grateful to God for his unfailing love to me.
As I said, I have a number of things to share with you. Somehow, I feel like I have not been open to you. This is not entirely my fault as to me, it is not easy to write, especially when it comes to vulnerable writing. It takes courage. The courage to be sincere and share those parts of you that are known to you alone. It is heartfelt as you let the words flow from within. It is more than just the surface, having to uncover parts of me I would prefer buried just within my mind. However, it is worth it when my story makes you see a part of yourself alongside the lessons that comes with it. This is the goal every time.
So, February is ending soon and I can’t help but think of what I learnt this month. This month made me address issues that I have allowed for too long. This mattered to me a lot as I would prefer to shy away from issues and hope they just go away. But this is not a good approach to life. Sometimes, when some situations come, you just have to take the bull by the horn in those times.
Also, when I write I try to cover up how I feel in a subtle way. I do this by generalising what exactly I am feeling without writing about the specifics. I recently became self aware of this and I don’t want to go on this way. It is not real and at best not practical to me.
So yes from the middle of January to February I was hurting. I was hurting from bad friendships. I was sad. Many times I had questioned why and how I got myself into those circumstances. Plus, I have had to go back to God especially when I had clearly received instructions to cut off from those relationships. But it is easier said than done. I did not know how to stay away or what to do. But I don’t think that was all. I guess I was too afraid to cut off from it. Instead, I chose to turn a blind eye believing I was doing the right thing. Tbh, I called it love. I felt I needed to love like 1st Corinthians 13 instructed. But this love was not helping me. Too much compromises here and there. Just was not right. However, I am grateful to God that somehow I chose to walk away from such friendships that do not help me any longer. More like good riddance to bad rubbish.
Also, I have had to put myself first. Now, this is not being selfish or anything. I have had to deeply consider my emotions, my mental sanity and even my heart condition. I have had to ask myself do I really want to go on tolerating things when I know it does not make me feel or act right? Do I want to keep being this grumpy girl, crying to God about it and sharing with my friends who cared to listen about things that I totally do not want but I keep taking? Honestly, I said NO. Now the main issue was how I was going to it. I kept running to God to help me that I did not know or what to do. I knew God was going to help me. But God will not come down and change situations for you and I. There is a place for his wisdom in you and I to address circumstances especially when they are unpleasant and unbearable. Thus, when you go to the place of prayer and you hear clearly that he wants you to walk ‘circumspectly not as fools but as wise’, you have to understand that he wants his wisdom to be made manifest in your life. How? In your actions, decisions and lifestyle. And his wisdom is not far-fetched, because the Holyspirit in you makes you wise. Wise enough to take the right steps in accordance with His will as His will surely has you in it.
Moreover, I have learnt what it means to create boundaries in your relationship with people. It could be in the simplest things like avoiding unnecessary conversations with someone or deliberately cutting off access to your life in certain areas. Boundaries makes you reanalyse things. For instance, what kind of relationship do I want to have with this person? Can I heal from the hurt this person has done to me if I keep seeing him/her on my social media space? Do I want this person to have details about my life like before? Do I need space to heal?
The good thing is that your boundaries must work for you. It must be what is right and suitable for your emotional and mental well-being. It does not make you less of a believer if you avoid relating with people in a certain way as long as you are not holding a grudge or dealing with unforgiveness.
Moreover, it does not mean you still have beef with such person. It is just a good way to address how you feel, the lingering hurt in you, and even your future relationships with people.
Well, this is sincerely all I have to tell you. I guess i understand why I used the word ‘content’ as a reply to how I am doing. I am happy that I no longer feed the situations that I have disliked over the years. I am in a good place learning about myself, my relationship with God and even relationship with people. In no way, am I perfect. But I am learning and unlearning.
I hope in this new week, you choose to address things that have being unbearable for you. I hope you let God’s wisdom hold your hands in addressing situations. I hope you create boundaries where you need to.
Till my next letter to you🤭
I wish you a great week!
All my love + everything nice 💜
The Purple Girl.